Men and women belong to different species and communications between them is still in its infancy

Civilization had too many rules for me, so I did my best to rewrite them

My wife and I have five children; the reason we have five children is because we do not want six

Poets have said that the reason to have children is to give yourself immortality. Immortality? Now that I have five children, my only hope is that they are all out of the house before I die

I am certainly not an authority on love because there are no authorities on love, just those who've had luck with it and those who haven't

If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right

My eleven year old daughter mopes around the house all day waiting for her breasts to grow.